Posted by: jeezysanchez | August 7, 2012

Gold Diggers: Team USA Power Rankings 8.7.12

USA took the train home and handed out Twizzlers to other passengers. Because of course they did.

You might have missed the first quarter of the game if you were watching Alex Morgan be the best. It was a tale of two halves. In the first half, USA and Argentina traded baskets at an alarming rate. Manu Ginobili did Manu Ginobili things and we could not stop the balding baller. Team USA led Argentina at halftime 60-59. We went on to win 125-97. The second half was all about turning up the defensive intensity. And Kevin Durant. His 28 points led the team and shot 8 of 10 from beyond the arc. Not to mention he hit one three from Scotland.

The game got heated at the end of the third quarter when Carmelo Anthony was hit below the belt by miniature person, Facundo Campazzo. It wasn’t completely unprovoked since Chris Paul did the EXACT same thing at the EXACT same spot on the court in the first half. In fact, both made their threes after being hit in the nuts, so there’s that. Coach K even went as far as getting in Luis Scola’s face when Scola left the bench to jaw with Team USA. There’s a very good chance we see Argentina again in the semis, and shit is going to go down you guys.

Video of the cheap shot is after the jump:

The game was never in doubt however, because Ludacris was in attendance. Ludacris.

My new wallpaper

The quarterfinals are here, and it’s win or go home. USA gets the Andrew Bogut-less Australia and will play the winner of Brazil-Argentina. On the other half of the bracket, France faces off against Spain and Pool B winner, Russia plays Lithuania. Let’s get it on!

  1. Kevin Durant – That dancing son of a bitch is back! Kevin Durant tied Argentina by himself in the third quarter with 17 points and continues to promote the “Durant Shimmy” overseas. Previous Ranking: 3

  2. LeBron James – Sometimes LeBron just needs to be told he’s allowed to score, which is probably what Coach K told him at halftime. He sparked the scoring fest in the third quarter along with Durant. PR: 2

    I don’t know why this happened but I’m so glad it did.

  3. Carmelo Anthony – The dude got hit in the nuts. He gets a free pass this time. Post-nut tap, Carmelo got up and started “WOO WOO”-ing. Like a whistle, baby. Melo continues to lead the team in screaming profanities after securing a rebound. PR: 1

    Nothing more American than a shot to the balls

  4. Chris Paul – He was HUGE in the first half when we traded baskets with Argentina. CP3 hit five threes and was the instigator of “Nut-Gate 2012.” PR: 6
  5. Kevin Love – Love got his mojo back, scoring 13 and grabbing 9 boards. Just start him at center already. PR: 5
  6. Russell Westbrook – This was one of Russell’s worst games, but he still played fast and effective, even if his shot was off. PR: 4

    An “F U” dunk if I’ve ever seen one

  7. Kobe Bryant – I can’t tell who is more disinterested in these games, Kobe or Jim Boeheim. PR: 8
  8. Deron Williams – Chris Paul played great so obviously Deron had a stinker. PR: 7
  9. Andre Iguodala – Iggy got some good minutes and he made the most of them. He rebounded and ran the floor, especially in the second quarter when the game was still close. He did, however, have the biggest derp dunk of the Olympics. PR: 11

    All joking aside, that should count. Nice reaction, btw.

  10. James Harden – Your beard is on point. PR: 9
  11. Anthony Davis – Stop missing alley-oops! PR: 11
  12. Tyson Chandler – He has been playing with a dislocated middle finger. Funny, I hurt MY middle finger from watching him play this summer. PR: 12

Next game: 8/8 vs. Australia in the quarterfinals. Patty Mills, Team USA is no Gonzaga. Prepare for pain.


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